Connected & Latchless
Recently I had the pleasure of being interviewed on an amazing podcast called Latchless Podcast. This conversation was so nourishing for my heart and soul. I got to talk about my love of production and coaching. Reflecting on this episode, I feel so grateful. I am thankful for the opportunity to tell my story, connect with such beautiful people, and have a forum to dig deep with a couple of friends. Even though this episode was recorded over a Zoom session, I felt like I was sitting in an old friend’s living room with the safety to tell our stories. During this hour and a half, I felt deeply connected to other people, which I realized with the haze of the holidays I hadn’t felt in quite some time.
There is a lot going on right now: Climate Change, War, Gun Violence, a 2nd Trump Presidency, the rise of Nationalism, Women’s Rights, Trans Rights, Capitalism, and Division, just to name a few. And I’m not saying I have all the answers to all of these overwhelming problems, but I do think we are all suffering from a loneliness epidemic. According to a survey done by CNN last year, 1 in 4 Americans feel like they have no one to talk to about personal problems. Loneliness is the #1 reason people seek therapy. Studies have even proved that the lonelier you are, the shorter your life span. We are literally dying because we don’t feel connected. Do you know why? Because loneliness activates the same part of our brain that feels pain. Your body doesn’t know if it got hit upside the head or hasn’t felt seen, heard, and loved in a while. Many say people started to feel lonely during the COVID pandemic, but I think it happened way before. Our primal selves can only survive when we can rely on the group. Hunters and Gatherers survived because of their reliance on their tribe. Our capitalist society has taught us that being an individual is the only way to live an honorable life. But this is a lie. We need each other. We need each other to survive because we are a connected species. So, as the depth of a cold winter gets into our bones, here are a few tips to combat loneliness:
Connect with Self: What we resist persists. In this day and age, we have every distraction under the sun (even healthy ones) to keep us from feeling an uncomfortable emotion. The best way to move through discomfort is to feel the pain. The more you feel a difficult emotion, the more the feeling moves through and out. You might ask, how do I connect with myself?
Do you need to have a good cry? I always tell my children, “Crying is just washing your heart.” But science shows this is true. Some scientists hypothesize that the tears we cry from strong emotions contain hormones and proteins that aren’t present in other types of tears. Tears fall out of our eyes because we overwhelm the drain system, and it spills out. (atlanticeye.com) Tears are literally cleansing your body of what it doesn’t need.
Do you need to hit a pillow? Are you angry about something you don’t want to admit? Anger is a normal human emotion. All anger stems from a sense of violation. And when it comes up, it is always a clue. It signals that a boundary has been crossed or your values have been attacked. And when Anger comes up, it energizes us. Gandhi said, “Anger to people is like gas is to the automobile - it fuels you to move forward and get to a better place. Without it, we would not be motivated to rise to a challenge”. So, use that fuel and hit a pillow instead of attacking others.
Do you need some Quiet time? Silence can be difficult with all of our to-do’s and scary if you’re not used to it. The truth is being silent brings us into the present. It lets us see clearly what is true. The best way to do this is to sit quietly in a comfortable seat or walk in nature without your air pods. Focus on your inhale and exhale. If a thought arises, notice it and return to your breath. Rinse/repeat often.
Do you need to Take Care of your Body? If we eat the right foods and exercise the right amount, we naturally feel better and want to connect more to the world.
Serve:
If you feel like there is no one in the world to call or reach out to, be of service. Make someone smile, buy a random person a coffee, help someone pick up something they dropped, or donate to a charity. Doing service in itself is an act of connection.
Connect with Nature:
Nature has been proven to increase our feeling of interconnectedness to other things, create awe, calm our nervous system, bring us into the present moment, and make us feel more alive. If you are feeling lonely, a trip to the woods sounds more isolating when in fact, it is the opposite.
Know You Are Not Alone: There is someone else out there who can relate to your story. Your suffering is a gateway to more compassion and empathy; we need to connect with others. You never know the battle another person is going through, but I guarantee there is one. Knowing you are not alone just might be the comfort you need.